Don't you just hate spoilers? I do, too. That's why I always try to include warnings. However, I sometimes ramble a bit too much here or there and maybe a few (or many) key plot points slip without me giving proper notice. So I'd like to include a blanket spoiler warning for the weary internet travelers of the world: Here There Be Spoilers. You've been warned.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Dethklok - The Dethalbum (A Review)

A brief introduction to my review by Skwisgaar Skwigelf (the guitarist for Metalocalypse's Dethklok):

Dethklok is the most metals band in the universe. I shoulds know because I writes all the songs. We haves the record for highest charting death metals album ever on the Billboards 200. And we've held the record twice after taking it froms ourselves. Of course that list is dildos, but us beings there made it less dildos. It's why we'res on hiatus because we're still trying to get the stench of the dildos offs us. If our dildo fans will stop buying our stuff so much we'll records more. 

- Skwisgaar Skwigelf

P.S. - Toki's guitar playing is dildos so I record all his parts again with me playing. 

From left to right: William Murderface (bass), Skwisgaar Skwigelf (lead guitar),
Nathan Explosion (vocals), Pickles (drums), Toki Wartooth (rhythm guitar)
Metalocalypse is my favorite cartoon about metal. In fact, it's the only cartoon about metal. That's why it's my favorite. Anyway, for the uninitiated, Dethklok is the fictional band on which the show focuses on. They are incredibly popular. I believe they are the seventh largest economy in the world. Their fictional albums are so metal that they can kill mere mortals after one listen. Their fans are so intense and crazy that they'd die for the band in the most brutal ways possible. And despite being a completely fictional band, they make some of the most metal music ever made. Because the true talent behind Dethklok is Brendon Small. Brendon Small voices Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Pickles on the show, but he also plays guitar, bass, vocals and keyboards in real life on The Dethalbum (2007). The drumming is provided for by Gene Hoglan. Whenever Dethklok tour in the real world bassist Bryan Beller and guitarist Mike Keneally join Brendon and Gene on the stage. So while the band is fake on the show... it doesn't mean that there isn't a Dethklok in real life or that the music isn't real.

Now the lyrics on the songs are silly because the show makes fun of metal heads, metal musicians, and just about everything else. But the silly lyrics are the most metal silly lyrics ever. And the lyrics are balanced out by the insane drumming and guitar playing. So while this may be considered "novelty" music... it's incredibly good novelty music and a must-have for anyone remotely interested in metal. Believe it or not, The Dethalbum held the record for the highest charting death metal album ever on the Billboard 200 chart. It held it until The Dethalbum II later surpassed it in 2009.

And no, I'm not joking.

So now let's go into the actual material...

Murmaider 3:24
Go into the Water 4:20
Awaken 3:37
Bloodrocuted 2:18
Go Forth and Die 4:22
Fansong 2:53
Better Metal Snake 3:27
The Lost Vikings 4:26
Thunderhorse 2:46
Briefcase Full of Guts 2:44
Birthday Dethday 2:48
Hatredcopter 2:56
Castratikron 2:57
Face Fisted 4:17
Dethharmonic 4:31
Deththeme (hidden track) 0:34
Alternate Version

Alternate Version Bonus Tracks:

Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle 1:15
Blood Ocean 2:50
Murdertrain a Comin' 3:33
Pickles Intro 0:34
Kill You 3:41
Hatredy 4:17
Dethklok Gets in Tune 3:27 

Perhaps the most well-known song is Thunderhorse, largely an instrumental catapulted to fame by Guitar Hero. An intricate little tune that will twist your fingers into knots if you try to play it, Thunderhorse is easily the best Guitar Hero song of all time. Eat your heart out, Dragonforce!

The subjects covered by each of the songs is that of a wide variety. We have songs about coffee, worthless fans, krakens, an extreme unwillingness to pay taxes, birthdays, graduations, vikings who never made to the battle because the got lost, and the murder of mermaids. Each song is fitted with a riff that would make Dimebag Darrell proud and a guitar solo that would make Yngwie Malmsteen jealous. Honestly, there isn't one bad song among the bunch. There's even a song for all the softies that like ballads. It's called Kill You.

The only unfortunate aspect of the album is the fact that it didn't include Crush My Opponent's Balls. And it isn't on The Dethalbum II either. :(

Now I should say that most people cannot live through listening to the entire album without his or her brain exploding with such fierceness that a small black hole forms and everything within a five mile radius gets sucked in. But those people that can live through The Dethalbum are encouraged to seek out and buy The Dethalbum II.

And now I'll leave you with an actual song from the album. Remember that Brendon Small is singing in character.

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