Don't you just hate spoilers? I do, too. That's why I always try to include warnings. However, I sometimes ramble a bit too much here or there and maybe a few (or many) key plot points slip without me giving proper notice. So I'd like to include a blanket spoiler warning for the weary internet travelers of the world: Here There Be Spoilers. You've been warned.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

What I got for Christmas

Well, this year certainly exceeded my expectations in terms of giftage. I got all I asked for and even more.

I only asked for 11/22/63 by Stephen King and Seasons Five and Six of Dragonball Z. My dad got that plus Seasons Seven, Eight, and Nine of DBZ. I now have the complete series! All 291 episodes! Now I can focus on collecting Dragonball and Dragonball GT.

I also got The Rite on DVD, some beef jerky, a few new t-shirts, a Ray Stevens Greatest Hits collection, and a new pair of pajama pants.

I've already got this Ray Stevens CD, but I didn't have the song Jeremiah Peabody's Poly-Unsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills.  Unfortunately, the new CD I got didn't have the original early sixties version, but instead it had a more modern remake.

Here are the differences:

Modern version:

Less modern version:

Even less modern version:

Anyway, those were my Christmas gifts.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas and stuff...

Well, Christmas is inching closer.

I've been celebrating Christmas by listening to a lot of Marilyn Manson. Well, that's not exactly true. I'm listening to MM because I'm trying to work on a long story called "The Doppelganger Effect" and MM seems to make the process easier.

"The Doppelganger Effect" comes in three parts and I am finished with the first two. So when I post the story I will only post one of the three parts at a time. The reason I'm doing things this way is because it's a rather long story. With the third part still unwritten the story runs at about 28,000 words. So if I can get this bad boy finished then it'll be the longest story I've written to date. I've only attempted two other stories longer than 20,000 words before and both of them didn't turn out so well. One made it to 41,000 words before I stopped and another made 88,000 words before I stopped. In both instances I stopped because I had no idea what the hell I was doing and I really felt like I was in over my head. By the time I figured out where each story was going I came to the conclusion that both stories just were not all that great. At least not as great as they should have been considering the amount of time and effort I put into them.

'The Doppelganger Effect" was another one that I had stopped writing because I started getting that feeling of being way over my head, but I ultimately decided to finish it because I've gone over it a few times in the past couple of days and I really think something is there. I really think the story is worth continuing.

The real reason I stopped writing the thing in the first place was because I was going through that transition from being a high school student to high school graduate. The main story is about a high school kid and writing about this kid and his friends when I couldn't see my friends as much anymore really bummed me out.

Anyway, on to Christmas.

I hope everyone has a great one. I hope I'll wake up Christmas morning knowing that Giants beat the Jets, that the Eagles beat the snot out of the Cowboys, and that the Colts still have the first pick in the draft.*

Maybe I'll even find some gifts for me under the tree. Our Christmas shopping won't be done until Christmas Eve this year so I have no idea what I'll get. That's why I've kept my list really short: Season Five of Dragonball Z, 11/22/63 by Stephen King, and/or Season Six of Dragonball Z.

I plan on getting my dad a Colts mug that I saw at some sports store in the mall. I also saw an autographed Jerry Rice helmet for only about $2,000, but I don't have $2,000. I have no idea what I'll get my older brother or my mom, but I guess I'll figure that out really soon. My mom is trying to collect seasons of I Love Lucy and Bewitched so that's certainly an option. I think my brother would like that autographed Jerry Rice helmet, but unless that store accepts IOU's then there is a good chance he won't be getting that.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

(*) I did not say that I wanted the Colts to lose against the Texans; I just want the Rams and Vikings to win out so they can have more victories than the Colts.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Colts got a win!!!!!

... and that's all I have to say about that.

 This photo might not actually happen if the Colts win out because they'd lose the first pick in the draft to the Rams or Vikings. Now both teams have quarterbacks and they might not draft Luck, but they might anyway because of the whole "best player available" thing. 

Monday, December 5, 2011

History in the making...

There are four games left in the NFL season and there are four more chances for the Colts to get a win. There is no doubt that this year's team is one of the worst teams in NFL history, but if they can get a win then they won't be labeled as the absolute worst.

The question is where will the 2011 Colts rank on the list of the worst teams in the NFL. If they win just one then they are taken out of contention for the number one spot on the list of the NFL's Worst Teams of all Time. Maybe even out of the top two.

Here are some of the worst teams in NFL history:
  • 2001 Panthers (1-15)
  • 1996 Jets (1-15)
  • 2000 Chargers (1-15)
  • 1989 Cowboys (1-15)
  • 1980 Saints (1-15)
  • 2009 Rams (1-15)
  • 1991 Colts (1-15)
  • 1990 Patriots (1-15)
  • 1968 Eagles (2-12)
  • 1960 Cowboys (0-11-1)
  • All 1990's Bengals (9-7, 3-13, 5-11, 3-13, 3-13, 7-9, 8-8, 7-9, 3-13, 4-12)*
  • 1972-73 Oilers (1-13, 1-13) 
  • 1999 Browns (2-14)
  • 2007 Dolphins (1-15)
  • 1976 Buccaneers (0-14)
  • 2008 Lions (0-16)

(*) The NFL Network sought to include every team from the 1990's Bengals in its top ten worst teams of all time list. As you can see they only boasted a winning season once between '90 and '99. 

With four games left to go I wonder if the Colts can avoid making this list. With Baltimore, Houston, Tennessee, and Jacksonville left for them to play the chances are high that they might get one win. Maybe, call me an optimist if you want, they can get two wins. If the Colts and Dan Orlovsky play like they played against the Patriots then just maybe they could get three wins. I don't know how much hope I have in that scenario, though. Just get one because I really don't want the Colts to be ranked as the worst team of all time. 

Thursday, December 1, 2011

My Top 14 Christmas/Holiday Movies

There are a lot of movies that I like to watch during this time of year as I'm sure there are for you. There are no cartoon shorts on my list because then my list would go on forever. So I'll settle with movies. Now my definition of "Christmas/Holiday" movies may be different than your definition. Die Hard takes place around Christmas time and some folks consider it to be mandatory holiday viewing, but I don't really consider it a Christmas movie. That doesn't mean I don't love it, though. The Shop Around the CornerGrumpy Old MenBatman Returns, and Gremlins all could be on the table as Christmas/Holiday movies, too. And while any movie with the Penguin in it gets browny points from me I don't consider Batman Returns to really be a Christmas flick. I do know that just because a movie has snow in it doesn't mean it is a Christmas movie. If that was the case then John Carpenter's The Thing would be on my list.

I thought about whether I should put any religious movies on my list because I am a fan of a few, but I decided against it. I'll save those movies for another list and for another time.
  1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) - This movie is one I watch every single year no matter what. I think it is the most essential and most honest Christmas movie I've ever seen. 
  2. Scrooged (1988) - Any movie that has the singer for the New York Dolls portraying a cab-driving Ghost of Christmas Past is a great movie in my book. Bill Murray did a great job as the crazy Frank Cross and his transformation at the end is really a classic. But if you want a "straight" version of A Christmas Carol then look elsewhere. 
  3. Scrooge (1951) - I can count the amount of Alastair Sim movies I know on three fingers. I know he was in many more so I am not trying to say he is a bad actor, but his most memorable role has to be that of the curmudgeon Ebenezer Scrooge. I've liked this movie for about as long as I can remember. When I was in the third grade I brought the movie to school so the class could watch it. I think most of the kids fell asleep because it was an old movie, but I didn't. 
  4. A Christmas Carol (1984) - I don't know if this film is better than the 1951 adaptation, but I definitely think it's as good. George C. Scott is one of my favorite actors and I thought he did a wonderful job. 
  5. The Polar Express (2004) - I really enjoyed the book as a kid and I love the movie adaptation. Of course the movie added a lot more because the book was only 32 pages, but everything the movie adds doesn't take away from the original story. 
  6. It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - Yeah, this is pretty much on every Christmas list. But I don't think a list is a list unless there is a James Stewart movie on it. 
  7. Bad Santa (2003) - I know, okay? I should be ashamed of myself for putting this on my list, but I love this movie and it is one of my favorites. It's probably more comparable to Jackass than any other Christmas movie. It makes Scrooged and Christmas Vacation look pretty tame, but it does have heart. I think it does anyway. 
  8. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles (1987) - It's a Thanksgiving movie, but I'll include it here because it is always the first movie I watch before I really start cranking out the Christmas movies and because it does fit the "Holiday" theme. Steve Martin's almost Scrooge-like transformation from uptight snob to caring and tolerant person makes it all the more a Christmas movie in my view. 
  9. The Bishop's Wife (1947) - Cary Grant is an angel named Dudley trying to set things right between a bishop (David Niven) and his wife (Loretta Young).
  10. Miracle on 34th Street (1947) - This is probably another movie that is on every list. 
  11. The Bells of St. Mary's (1945) - I really like Going My Way as well, but that movie doesn't really feel "Christmas-y" to me. I guess this movie isn't really "Christmas-y" either, but it does have that tone.   
  12. The Santa Clause (1994) - Tim Allen kills Santa and takes his job.
  13. Home Alone (1990) - Hard to believe Joe Pesci is the same guy from Casino or Goodfellas, isn't it? The guy has range. This was also the second movie to feature the dynamic duo of Macaulay Culkin and John Candy. Well, maybe "dynamic duo" is overstating things a bit. Anyway, the first movie they were in together was Uncle Buck
  14. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) - I like Ron Howard's rendition and Jim Carrey's performance. I know Carrey is no Boris Karloff, but I don't think anyone other than Carrey could have pulled this movie off. I've heard folks say that they don't like this movie because it's a bad adaptation of Seuss' story, but I still think it's a good movie in the way that Polar Express is a good movie. 
Anyway, that's my list. And nope, there's no Christmas Story. That movie has never really been my cup of tea. I thought about putting the 1932 version of A Christmas Carol on the list, but I don't really like that one as much. The only thing I really like about the movie is Gene Lockhart's portrayal of Bob Cratchit. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Rammstein from Worst to First

Rammstein is comprised of six members: Till Lindemann, Flake Lorenz, Richard Kruspe, Paul Landers, Oliver Riedel, and Christoph "Doom" Schneider. To date they have released six studio albums, two live albums, and three DVD's. They will soon be releasing a greatest hits compilation entitled Made in Germany 1995-2011 and I wanted to celebrate by making a Rammstein list. The new compilation features a new song called Mein Land. 

Rammstein is one of those bands that I know what I can expect from them with each album. Eleven songs, lyrics with double meanings (all of them in German), crazy music videos, and so on. One thing I always hear about Rammstein is that their albums sound the same, but I disagree with that. Just like I believe that no AC/DC album sounds like another. Similar, but not the same.

6. Rosenrot (2005) - Sort of a part two to their previous album Reise, Reise and I think it even features a few songs that were excluded from Reise, Reise for some reason or another. The design of the album covers are even similar. It's a pretty solid release and there are a few standout moments. Te quiero Puta! is a song sung entirely in Spanish along with an accompanying trumpet section. Stirb nicht vor mir (Don't Die Before I Do) is a ballad where vocalist Till Lindemann and guest-vocalist Sharleen Spiteri exchange verses in peculiar fashion. Till sings verses in German and Sharleen sings verses in English. It's a quite a feat to do that and make the song sound sincere. It really works. Benzin, Mann gegen Mann (which is a song about homosexuality from the point of view of a homosexual man), and Rosenrot are also worth mentioning because they are probably the best songs on the album and it makes sense that they would also be the first songs on the album.

Benzin 3:46
Mann gegen Mann 3:50
Rosenrot 3:54
Spring 5:24
Wo bist du 3:55
Stirb nicht vor mir (Don't Die Before I Do) (featuring Sharleen Spiteri and Bobo) 4:05
Zerstören 5:28
Hilf mir 4:43
Te quiero Puta! (featuring Carmen Zapata) 3:55
Feuer und Wasser 5:17
Ein Lied 3:43

5. Herzeleid (1995) - Rammstein's debut album is remarkably solid and their brand of Neue Deutsche Härte is already intact and waiting to be heard and built upon. Just how good of a debut album this is is often overlooked. Of course it was embroiled in controversy because the original album cover was accused of Nazism. The members appeared without shirts and some folks believed they were making themselves out to be "the poster boys of the master race." The song Weißes Fleisch was also accused of sparking the Columbine Massacre. The song is about a rapist, but the first line of the song translates to "You, in the schoolyard. I, ready to kill." Well, the rest of the song is even more disturbing, but I guess no one bothered to read the rest of it. It's about rape from the point of view of the predator. At any rate, I'm not going to let all the accusations stop me from enjoying the song or the album. The album doesn't make me want to kill people. It just makes me want to rock out and continue learning German. Most of the the songs on this album can be heard on their live album/DVD Live aus Berlin.

Alternate album cover:

Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen?  5:18
Der Meister 4:08
Weißes Fleisch 3:36
Asche zu Asche 3:51
Seemann 4:48
Du riechst so gut 4:49
Das alte Leid 5:44
Heirate mich 4:44
Herzeleid 3:41
Laichzeit 4:21
Rammstein 4:25

4. Sensucht (1997) - It seems the only Rammstein song most people know (most people in the U.S.A., anyway) is Du hast. While I like the song I can't say it's my favorite on the album or my favorite Rammstein song at all. I believe this album is the only album entirely in German to be certified platinum in the U.S.A. Quite an accomplishment, but it's mostly due to Du hast. I think Engel, Bestrafe mich, and the title track are better songs. Anyway, there are a few sordid tracks on here. Spiel mit mir is a song about incest as sung from the point of view of a sister who wants to have sex with her brother. All of Till's lyrics are "first person" lyrics and if you take all of his lyrics seriously you'll think he's one sick guy. Bück dich is about sodomy with another guy. The title of the song actually means "bend over." And like I said, it's all sung in the first person. So keep that in mind. I am not gay, but I have no problem listening to the song and rocking out to it. Some folks might not be so comfortable with that, though.

Sehnsucht 4:05
Engel (featuring Bobo) 4:25
Tier 3:48
Bestrafe mich 3:37
Du hast 3:56
Bück dich 3:23
Spiel mit mir 4:46
Klavier 4:26
Alter Mann 4:25
Eifersucht 3:37
Küss mich (Fellfrosch) 3:30

NOTE: Some versions have different bonus tracks. One version has English renditions of Du hast (even though the English lyrics are not accurate... I think Rammstein just wanted to screw with anyone who couldn't speak German) and Engel, but the version I have includes a remarkable cover [sung in English] of Depeche Mode's Stripped

ANOTHER NOTE: There are six different covers for Sehnsucht. All of them feature a different member of the band and their face in some sort of bizarre torture device. 

3. Liebe ist für alle da (2009) - Rammstein have balls. The main reason I state this is because of the song Pussy and its music video. The music video is a porno. I don't think any of the musicians can be seen naked because there are body doubles for the penis and ejaculation scenes. And yes, I've actually seen the music video. It was the first new Rammstein song in three years and I thought the whole porn site thing was a joke. Well, it wasn't, but I listened to the song anyway. The song itself is pretty funny. It's in both German and English so you could probably understand at the least the verse: "You have pussy. I have dick. So what's problem? Let's do it quick." The rest of the album is also stellar. The song title B********* is not bleeped because it's a cuss word. In the song the word is Bückstabü and it's a word that doesn't exist. It's just a word that can stand for whatever you want it to mean and  the chorus translates to "Whatever you want is what I get." 

Didn't I say they had balls? Considering that the title of the album means Love is there for everyone...
Alternate cover:

Rammlied 5:20
Ich tu dir Weh" (I Hurt You) 5:02
Waidmanns Heil 3:33
Haifisch 3:45
B******** (Bückstabü) 4:15
Frühling in Paris 4:45
Wiener Blut 3:53
Pussy 4:00
Liebe ist für alle da 3:26
Mehr 4:09
Roter Sand 3:59
Führe mich (special edition bonus track) 4:34
Donaukinder (special edition bonus track) 5:18
Halt (special edition bonus track) 4:20
Roter Sand (Orchester Version) (special edition bonus track) 4:06
Liese (special edition bonus track) 3:56

2. Mutter (2001) - Absolutely amazing. There's a reason that five songs from this album are going to be released on the greatest hits compilation. Every single song on here is extremely good, but I think the first six are great. The song Ich will had a music video about a bank robbery where a bomb goes off and the video was set to debut in the U.S. on Sept. 11, 2001. Links 2-3-4 is a response to allegations of Nazism. In the song they say "my heart beats to the left" which means they aren't "far right Nazis." Zwitter is apparently about the joys of being a hermaphrodite.

Mein Herz brennt 4:39
Links 2-3-4 3:36
Sonne 4:32
Ich will 3:37
Feuer frei! 3:11
Mutter 4:32
Spieluhr 4:46
Zwitter 4:17
Rein, raus 3:09
Adios  3:49
Nebel 4:54

1. Reise, Reise (2004) - This was the first Rammstein studio album I ever bought. I had Live aus Berlin and I thought it was amazing, but I wanted to wanted to hear some of their studio work. Something other than Du hast anyway. Every song on here is great. Most of the songs appear on the live album/DVD Völkerball and they all work really well both live and in the studio. Amerika (some scathing commentary sung partly in English), Moskau (sung partly in Russian), Mein Teil, Stein um SteinKeine Lust, the acoustic jam Los, and the beautiful ballad Ohne dich are all highlights for me. I think this is the quintessential Rammstein album and that's why I put it at number one.

Reise, Reise 4:11
Mein Teil 4:32
Dalai Lama 5:38
Keine Lust 3:42
Los 4:25
Amerika 3:46
Moskau (featuring Viktoria Fersh) 4:16
Morgenstern 3:59
Stein um Stein 3:56
Ohne dich 4:32
Amour 4:50

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Loss List

  • 2007 Week 9 vs. Pats - It was the battle of two undefeated teams and the Colts came up short. I can't remember one specific play from this game. I just remember the fact that the Pats got by with an untarnished record and finished the season 16-0. Of course the Pats would lose the only game that really mattered, but the Colts should have been the first ones to beat the Pats and not the Giants. 
  • 2009 Week 16 vs. Jets - The Colts were up 15-10 when Jim Caldwell made the dumbest move a coach could possibly make. He rested the starters in the third quarter. I can understand resting the starters if the team is up by thirty-eight points with only a quarter of play left, but this was unforgivable. You don't rest your starters until you know you have a game in the bag. Thanks for screwing up the season, Jim. 
  • 2009 Week 17 at Buffalo - Ah, Jim. Sure Peyton Manning threw an interception, but he never got a chance to do anything else. Jim Caldwell must have thought the game wasn't tough enough with all of the snow and decided to get Painter in and throw away the game. I've never seen an uglier 14-2 in my life. It was a sign of more bad things to come. 
  • Super Bowl XLIV - I hate living this close to New Orleans. Everyone down here seems to be a fan of the Saints and it's sickening. And how everybody went on and on about the onside kick and the interception. Ugh, you'd think the Saints had never won anything before. Oh, wait... Well, I guess no one can stay a loser forever. Not even the Saints. 
  • 2010 Week 11 at Pats - Did I ever mention I have an intense dislike for the Patriots? The Colts were down 31-14, but they managed to close the gap to 31-28. Another Colts score could have won the game, but Manning's final pass was intercepted. 
  • 2010 Week 12 vs. Chargers - Manning was intercepted four times the Colts were trounced 36-14. 
  • 2010 Week 9 at Philly - Again an interception ended the game. I've never been an Eagles fan and I'll never be a Vick fan and this game was the worst of both worlds for me. Got to lose to both of them at the same time. What joy.
  • 2010 Week 10 vs. Cowboys - Manning got intercepted four times and lost the game in overtime by a score of 38-35. The Cowboys were horrible last year and what makes things even worse was the fact that Jon Kitna was the guy to lead the Cowboys to victory. Jon Kitna! Are you kidding me? We went to overtime with Jon Kitna and lost? 
  • 2010 AFC Wild Card vs. Jets - Well, the Colts were up 16-14 with less than a minute to go and Jim Caldwell decided to let the Jets get themselves together by calling a timeout instead of letting the Jets call their own timeout. What a kind person you are, Jim. Just a kind man and a real sport about things. Who cares who wins? It's not like the games really matters. It's only the playoffs... It's not like the entire season hinges on this one game and that if you lose it's over... 
The chances are pretty high that if Peyton Manning think's it's a bad call than it's a damn bad call.
  • 2011 Week 7 at Saints - 62-7. It takes a special kind of suck to lose a game by that much and that kind of suck is called the "Suck 4 Luck." Did I mention Jim Caldwell was the coach in this game, too?  Funny how often he appears on this list...
  • Any other loss from 2011 - They pretty much dissolve into one another after a while...
  • The Miracle at the New Meadowlands - My second favorite team is the Giants and I've already said that I hate the Eagles and Michael Vick. The Eagles scored four unanswered touchdowns in the final seven minutes of the game and won it 38-31.

  • Iron Bowl 2010 - We gave up 24 points to Cam Newton and the Tigers. We were 9-2 at this point so we were screwed out of the National Championship, but we were hoping to do the same to them. Of course we failed miserably. And this game caused the Harvey Updyke tree-poisoning thing which is another really pleasant memory. 
  • Bama-LSU 2010 - LSU scored 14 points in the fourth quarter. Bama responded with a touchdown of their own, but the defense couldn't get a stop and LSU got away with a win.
  • Bama-South Carolina 2010 - Our first loss of the season and the one that put the kibosh on our National Championship hopes.
  • Bama-LSU 2011 - Damn kickers. I don't hate Cade Foster, but I do hate the fact that if any college is capable of finding a kicker that can make a fifty-yarder than it's Alabama. That's just pathetic. Bama should have won that game going away, but it didn't happen. 
  • 2008 SEC Championship vs. Florida- Probably the reason why I could care less if Tim Tebow has a successful NFL career. 
  • 2009 Sugar Bowl vs. Utah - The Tide were completely manhandled in this one. 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Ozzy Osbourne from Worst to First

I figure doing a list about Ozzy would be a nice way to follow up a list about Black Sabbath. Later on I think I'll put my feet to the fire and do lists for Motorhead and Alice Cooper, but right now I'll focus on the Ozzman.

I kind of put Ozzy in the same category as Stephen King in that no matter what I'll be waiting to see what's next on the horizon and more than likely I'll enjoy it to some degree.

11. Under Cover (2005) - Cover albums don't really generate a lot of attention or respect from me. I think I only have three in my possession. They are mostly worth looking at just to see what kind of songs the musicians like. Well, Ozzy and I have a lot of things in common. We both think Leslie West is an amazing guitar player and that Mountain was a great band. Having Leslie West guest on the cover of Mountain's "Mississippi Queen" really made my day. I just kind of wish Ozzy could have chosen something a bit more obscure than "Mississippi Queen." Mountain has a lot of good songs that most people have never heard of and the only one Ozzy chose is one most people already know. A wasted opportunity, if you ask me. Anyway, nine of the covers on here had already been released a year earlier on the Prince of Darkness box set. So not only is it a cover album, but it's also an unoriginal cover album. And the covers aren't really standout. I like a few of them, but none of them are all that great. It's just Ozzy for the sake of Ozzy.

Rocky Mountain Way* - Joe Walsh 4:32
In My Life - The Beatles 3:30
Mississippi Queen - Mountain 4:11
Go Now* - Bessie Banks 3:42
Woman* - John Lennon 3:45
21st Century Schizoid Man - King Crimson 3:53
All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople 4:34
For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield 3:20
Good Times - The Animals 3:45
Sunshine of Your Love* - Cream 5:10
Fire - Crazy World of Arthur Brown 4:08
Working Class Hero - John Lennon 3:22
Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones 7:11

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Chris Wyse, Jerry Cantrell, Mike Bordin
(*) Previously unreleased

10. Down to Earth (2001) - This one took a little bit to grow on me. It's not quite an industrial metal release, but it's close enough that you could see him going that route in the future. This album feels dominated by the presence of producer Tim Palmer who also co-wrote most of the album. Well, I guess Tim Palmer wanted this to be Disturbed's The Sickness as sung by Ozzy. That's pretty much what it is. My favorite songs off here would have to be Running Out of Time, Facing Hell, and Black Illusion. And maybe Dreamer even though it's far from my favorite Ozzy ballad. I can't say I'd really recommend this one to anybody, though. It's just not all that good.

Gets Me Through 5:04
Facing Hell 4:26
Dreamer 4:45
No Easy Way Out 5:06
That I Never Had 4:24
You Know...(Part 1) 1:06
Junkie 4:28
Running Out of Time 5:06
Black Illusion 4:21
Alive 4:54
Can You Hear Them? 4:59
No Place for Angels (international edition bonus track) 3:23

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde, Robert Trujillo, Mike Bordin, Tim Palmer, Michael Railo, Danny Saber

9. Ozzmosis (1995) - It was a bit of a coin-toss as to where I was going to put this one. There are only five heavy songs on here if you count one of the bonus tracks. The rest of the songs are ballads. This is a really soft and personal album for Ozzy and that makes it different from just about anything else in his catalog. Zakk Wylde does his best to shine and Geezer Butler (who had joined Ozzy's band after a falling out with Iommi) helps to make things heavy where he can, but again this album is dominated by soft songs. All of the soft songs are not bad, but I only really like about half of them. The main reason I rank this one low is because it's just too inconsistent from start to finish. It goes from being heavy to being too soft for too long and then back to heavy again. 

The standout tracks for me would have to be Perry Mason, I Just Want You, TomorrowSee You on the Other Side, and Old L.A. Tonight.

Perry Mason 5:53
I Just Want You 4:56
Ghost Behind My Eyes 5:11
Thunder Underground 6:29
See You on the Other Side 6:10
Tomorrow 6:36
Denial 5:12
My Little Man 4:52
My Jekyll Doesn't Hide 6:34
Old L.A. Tonight 4:48
Whole World's Fallin' Down (2002 reissue bonus track) 5:05
Aimee (2002 reissue bonus track) 4:46

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde, Geezer Butler, Deen Castronovo, Rick Wakeman

8. Black Rain (2007) - Zakk Wylde's last studio album with Ozzy is his best since No More Tears. It's even heavier than Down to Earth, but it contains stronger and more diverse material. The reason this was Zakk Wylde's last outing with Ozzy was because Ozzy's band was starting to sound too similar to Zakk's band, Black Label Society. I can see what Ozzy meant after I listened to it again and the most obvious example is the title track. It sounds just like a Black Label song. 

Not Going Away 4:32
I Don't Wanna Stop 3:59
 Black Rain 4:42
Lay Your World on Me 4:16
The Almighty Dollar 6:57
11 Silver 3:42
Civilize the Universe 4:43
Here for You 4:37
Countdown's Begun 4:53
Trap Door 4:03

Tour Edition disc 2
I Don't Wanna Stop (Live) 3:44
Not Going Away (Live) 4:36
Here for You (Live) 5:22
Nightmare (originally a Japanese and iTunes bonus track) 4:40
I Can't Save You (originally a Japanese bonus track) 3:32
Love to Hate (originally an iTunes pre-order bonus track) 3:57

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde, Rob "Blasko" Nicholson, Mike Bordin

NOTE: Below is the version I got and it did not contain any bonus tracks, a booklet, or anything else. It was just a sleeve and a CD. 

7. Scream (2010) - I guess you could consider this a semi-sequel to Black Rain. It's got the same feel and the same producer, but this time the album is even heavier and a more "technical" sound thanks to the addition of guitarist Gus G. Now when I first heard this album was coming out I was a little disappointed that Zakk Wylde wasn't going to be on it, but I was even more disappointed that the album was going to be called Soul Sucka. Yep, you read that right. Soul Sucka. Well, I thought, Ozzy had lost whatever was left of his mind. There was no way in hell I was going to buy the album if it was called that. Just wouldn't be able to do it. And I thought about what the contents of such an album might be. I pictured a Nu-Metal Hell and duets with Snoop Dogg.

Of course that isn't what I ended up getting at all. I ended up getting what I would call Ozzy's strongest release since No More Tears. Of course if the album had still been called Soul Sucka at the time of its release I might not have the courage to say that. But I could I could see why Ozzy might want to call it that. The song Soul Sucker is very strong if you can keep from smirking every time you hear the phrase "Soul Sucka" repeated by the background vocals. Other songs that really stand out to me are Let Me Hear You Scream (sort of a sequel to I Don't Wanna Stop), Life Won't Wait, Time, Let It Die (although this one did seem a bit silly at first), and Diggin' Me Down. 

Now let me just say that Diggin' Me Down has to be one of the absolute worst titles for a song I've ever heard in my life outside of the hip-hop and pop genres. It just screams, "I wish I had dreadlocks, ripped jeans, and a Slipknot wallet with a chain on it!" The title is absolutely awful. But the song itself is one of the heaviest and darkest songs Ozzy has done in quite some time. It is the ultimate "mosh pit" song.

Let It Die 6:06
Let Me Hear You Scream 3:25
Soul Sucker 4:34
Life Won't Wait 5:06
Diggin' Me Down 6:03
Crucify 3:29
Fearless 3:41
Time 5:31
I Want It More 5:36
Latimer's Mercy 4:27
I Love You All 1:02

Tour Edition disc 2
Hand of the Enemy (previously unreleased track from the Scream sessions) 3:41
One More Time (originally released as a pre-order iTunes exclusive) 3:07
Jump the Moon (originally released as a bonus track on the Japanese pressing) 2:54
Bark at the Moon (live) 4:29
Let Me Hear You Scream (live) 3:25
No More Tears (live) 7:18
Fairies Wear Boots (live) 6:35

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Gus G, Rob "Blasko" Nicholson, Tommy Clufetos, Adam Wakeman

6. No Rest for the Wicked (1988) - This is the first Ozzy album I've gotten to on my list that feels like an actual band made it instead of a bunch of hired hands. It's a solid effort even though there aren't any instant classics on here. Bloodbath in Paradise and Breakin' All the Rules are probably my favorite tracks. 

Miracle Man 3:44
Devil's Daughter (Holy War) 5:15
Crazy Babies 4:15
Breakin' All the Rules 5:15
Bloodbath in Paradise 5:03
Fire in the Sky 6:24
Tattooed Dancer 3:53
Demon Alcohol 4:30
Hero (originally a hidden track) 4:49
The Liar (2002 re-issue bonus track) 4:32
Miracle Man (Live) (2002 re-issue bonus track) 3:48

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde, Bob Daisley, Randy Castillo, John Sinclair

5. The Ultimate Sin (1986) - This release (along with Ozzy's Live & Loud, Speak of the Devil, and Just Say Ozzy) has been deleted from the Ozzman's catalog. Why has it been deleted? I don't know. Maybe it has to do with owing Phil Soussan unpaid royalties over the song Shot in the Dark (a song that appears on Just Say Ozzy and Live & Loud) or maybe it doesn't. I don't really care. I just know that all of the squabbling made it really hard for me to get this one in my collection. This was before I discovered Amazon. Instead I had to go to obscure stores and ask around because Wal-Mart sure didn't carry it. Or so I thought. Ironically, the version I found was a German import and I bought it from Wal-Mart. Of course it must have been a fluke because I haven't seen it there since. Anyway, I do feel that The Ultimate Sin is extremely overlooked. The production isn't all that great and there are more than a few corny 80's lyrics, but I think overall it's very solid and it doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the likes of Speak of the Devil as a forgotten Ozzy record. If any Ozzy release deserves to be remastered it's this one. 

The Ultimate Sin 3:45
Secret Loser 4:08
Never Know Why 4:27
Thank God for the Bomb 3:53
Never 4:17
Lightning Strikes 5:16
Killer of Giants 5:41
Fool Like You 5:18
Shot in the Dark 4:16

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Jake E. Lee, Phil Soussan, Randy Castillo, Mike Moran

NOTE: The Ozzman Cometh is a greatest hits collection and the version I have has Shot in the Dark on it, but I believe the collection has been re-released and Shot in the Dark has been replaced with Miracle Man from No Rest for the Wicked

4. Bark at the Moon (1983) - The 1995 remaster and the 2002 "remaster" of Bark at the Moon are two different things. I remember when I was listening to some of the tapes my dad had recorded in the eighties and I heard You're No Different for the first time. I loved it. Then I got Bark at the Moon on CD and the exact same song was different. Similar, but still different. And it wasn't just that one song. I realized I'd been stiffed with the 2002 release and it was very different than the original 1983 release and the 1995 remaster. The 2002 "remaster" sounds more modern, but it just doesn't have the same charm for me. 

Listen to the 1995 version of Centre of Eternity...
Now listen to the 2002 version of Centre of Eternity... 
Can you tell the difference? 

Bark at the Moon 4:17
You're No Different 5:49
Now You See It (Now You Don't) 5:10
Rock 'n' Roll Rebel 5:23
Centre of Eternity 5:15
So Tired 4:00
Slow Down 4:21
Waiting for Darkness 5:14
Spiders (2002 reissue bonus track) 4:31
One Up the 'B' Side (2002 reissue bonus track) 3:25

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Jake E. Lee, Bob Daisley, Tommy Aldridge, Don Airey

NOTE: The 2002 "remaster" also claims that Ozzy Osbourne wrote all of the songs by himself. I'm not sure if the 1995 remaster makes the same claim, but the 1997 version of The Ozzman Cometh that I have also makes the same claim. Now I ask how a man who can't play a single instrument could possibly do that?

3. No More Tears (1991) - Ozzy's last truly great release and the only one since that feels like a band actually made the album.

Mr. Tinkertrain 5:55
I Don't Want to Change the World 4:04
Mama, I'm Coming Home 4:11
Desire 5:45
No More Tears 7:23
S.I.N. 4:46
Hellraiser 4:51
Time After Time 4:20
Zombie Stomp 6:13
A.V.H. 4:12
Road to Nowhere 5:09
Don't Blame Me (2002 re-issue bonus tracks) 5:06
Party With the Animals (2002 re-issue bonus tracks) 4:17

NOTE: The Live & Loud double album that soon followed is also pretty great, too. You could probably make a drinking game out of it, too. Just take a shot every time Ozzy drops the "f" bomb and you'll be hammered after three or four songs. 

ANOTHER NOTE: There are two versions of Hellraiser. There's this one by Ozzy and another one by Motorhead that can be found on their album March or Die. The Motorhead version of the song was used in the movie Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth. Since Lemmy co-wrote the song with Ozzy than neither version can really be called a cover, but the Ozzy version did come first. 

2. Diary of a Madman (1981) - There was no doubt that the Rhoads releases were going to top the list, but I wasn't sure which one would come out on top until just recently. There are very evenly matched as far as I'm concerned, but I think Blizzard of Ozz is just a tad better. 

Over the Mountain 4:31
Flying High Again 4:44
You Can't Kill Rock and Roll 6:59
Believer 5:15
Little Dolls 5:39
Tonight 5:50
S.A.T.O. 4:07
Diary of a Madman 6:14

2011 Legacy Edition disc 2
I Don't Know 5:08
Crazy Train 6:26
Believer 5:37
Mr. Crowley 6:19
Flying High Again 4:17
Revelation (Mother Earth) 5:58
Steal Away (The Night) 8:00
Suicide Solution 8:34
Iron Man 3:12
Children of the Grave 5:07
Paranoid 3:17

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Randy Rhoads, Bob Daisley, Lee Kerslake, Johnny Cook

1. Blizzard of Ozz (1980) - This got me into Ozzy and through Ozzy I discovered Sabbath and a love of the guitar. I always enjoy listening to this one. 

I Don't Know 5:13
Crazy Train 4:51
Goodbye to Romance 5:33
Dee 0:49
Suicide Solution 4:17
Mr. Crowley 5:02
No Bone Movies 3:52
Revelation (Mother Earth) 6:08
Steal Away (The Night) 3:28

2011 Expanded Edition bonus tracks
You Looking at Me, Looking at You (Non-LP B-Side) 4:15
Goodbye to Romance (2010 Guitar & Vocal Mix) 5:42
RR (Outtake Guitar Solo) 1:13

Line-up: Ozzy Osbourne, Randy Rhoads, Bob Daisley, Lee Kerslake, Don Airey

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Losing Sucks

Like pretty much everyone I really hate losing. What was that George Patton quote? "Americans play to win at all times. I wouldn't give a hoot and hell for a man who lost and laughed." Well, that's pretty much true. I don't know how other people handle losing or how long they cling on to certain awful game memories, but for me it takes a few days to get over most losses and a lot longer to get over others. I mean, all losses are not made equal.

Let's take a look at my Indianapolis Colts this year. Currently, they are 0-9. However, only one of the losses still pisses me off. All of the others I can pretty much accept and I'm almost fine with it. The one I can't take is the 62-7 loss to the Saints. That's because the last time those two played it was in the Super Bowl. Instead of getting vengeance or even trying to look competitive the Colts made Drew Brees look like a god amongst mere mortals. It's probably one of the worst losses I've ever seen. It was so bad I stopped watching after about two quarters. I just couldn't take it.

There are other losses that really sting. Pretty much anytime the Colts lose to the Patriots is a real tough one to take. Since 2001 the Patriots lead with the series against the Colts by a total of 7-5. In the postseason the Patriots lead the Colts 2-1. All of this history and the fact that some moron decided to have these teams play against each other pretty much every year makes the Pats the team I hate most in the NFL. Which is weird, isn't it?

The Texans, Jaguars, and Titans are the ones that should be the Colts' biggest enemies. But they aren't. At least not yet. Maybe that's because until just last year the other three teams in the AFC South weren't viewed as much of a threat by most fans. It's really hard to feel intimidated when you've got Peyton Manning taking the snaps. And the only reason the other teams had a shot in 2010 was because Peyton wasn't having the best year. He was throwing too many interceptions and the Colts just weren't up to snuff. Well, it happens to everyone, right? The Colts would recover and kick butt again in 2011, right?

It wasn't until this wretched 2011 NFL season that I realized that losing really sucks. I can take all the heartbreaking playoff losses because that at least means we're in the freaking playoffs. But now everyone is talking about the Suck for Luck campaign. Sheesh, what a difference a year makes. But you know what? As bad as this year is for the Colts and as bad as the loss to the Pats will be this year there's something even worse than losing.

After watching the Alabama Crimson Tide lose to LSU 9-6 I had trouble sleeping that night. Those missed field goals were really eating at me. I just kept thinking that we should have won that game. I went to sleep pissed off Saturday night and I woke up the same way Sunday morning with the realization that my Colts were going to get their asses kicked by the Falcons. What a crummy weekend for football.

Then I read this article where this Auburn guy ranked the most memorable/horrible football losses of his life and he said how those losses helped put things in perspective. Sometimes we get too involved in sports. Way too involved. Just like the idiot Harvey Updyke that shamed all of us Bama fans when he poisoned those Auburn trees. He can take his "Roll Damn Tide" and shove it up his ass for all I care. I know some stupid Auburn fan placed a Newton jersey on the statue of the Bear, but that's no reason to kill the trees and claim it was an adequate response.

So we got to keep ourselves in check. It's okay to hate a team, but it's not okay to resort to breaking the law or even thinking about it. Chances are that if you dream of slitting Eli Manning's throat because he put a whupping on the Patriots in the Super Bowl and again in week 9 of 2011 than you need some serious help.

Sometimes we catch ourselves saying things that sound crazy to someone who hasn't been initiated into the football world. I have nothing but respect for Bill Belichick, but that doesn't mean I won't call him a ass-munching turd-burglar from time to time. It takes an immense amount of respect to earn my hatred and vice versa. If I respect a team it's because they are a great team and if I hate a team it's because they are a great team that has whupped my team's ass on more than one occasion. So saying I hate Auburn or LSU is actually a compliment to them and a begrudging admission of excellence and accomplishment.

So anytime you hear an Alabama fan say, "Fuck you, ya damn Tigers! I hope you burn in Hell ya damn sonsabitches! We'll beat the everloving dogshit out of you next year." What it really means is something like this: I really respect this team, but I sure wish we could've won. Ah, gee whiz. But it was a good game and the best team won. At least there's always next year. This same translation usually applies to Auburn fans, too.

There is this page on Facebook called Toomer's for Tuscaloosa that I proudly like because they are the ones who helped Tuscaloosa after the tornadoes. And I saw the term "Wartide" used on that page and I kind of like it. It feels weird saying it because I really don't want Auburn to win a game ever. However, I want them to be competitive that why Bama can beat them when they are at their best. So I guess I support Auburn to a degree, but I support the people that helped Tuscaloosa even more. And if Auburn were to somehow upset Bama this year than I guess it wouldn't sting as much as it did last year. It would still sting a lot, but maybe not as much. Or maybe more. I don't really know because I try not to think about it. But I would congratulate the Auburn fans anyway and listen to their crummy jokes and let them rub my nose in it for a little while (a very little while) because they know and I know that I'd do the same thing to them if and when Bama beats them. It isn't the Iron Bowl without some smack talk. Just like the Ravens/Steelers rivalry in the NFL.

And that's just the way we like it.

Anyway, I've decided that I'll make up a "loss" list of my own in the next couple of days. Then I'm going to wait maybe five years and make another. I want to see just how many of the losses that mean a lot now might not mean so much in the future.

I'm also going to make a "victory" list too. Hopefully I'll have more memorable victories than losses.

Friday, November 4, 2011

National Metal Day - 11/11/11 (One louder)

It's like how much more black could this be? And the answer is none.
None more black.
I'm practically foaming at the mouth wondering what the Sab Four will have in store for us fans. On National Metal Day (also known as National Nigel Tufnel Day and also Veterans Day) the Sab ones will make an announcement of some sort. My guess is a tour and a new album. If it's not than whatever this announcement will be will be bit of a disappointment to most folks. Especially with all the secrecy surrounding the announcement.

While a reunion tour would be nice the real  holy grail is a new album and the metal godfathers sure ain't gettin' any younger.

If Dio-Sabbath could do it than certainly Ozzy-Sabbath could do it, right? Tony's got the riffs and Ozzy's still got some pipes. Just get it done. Hell, if Axl Rose could put out Chinese Democracy and if David Lee Roth can get back with Van Halen (and to possibly put out a new album) than it makes sense that a new Sabbath album with Ozzy could actually happen. Ozzy's last album sounds more like Sabbath than anything he's done in a while so he's got to be in the mood, right?

Is that what they will announce on 11/11/11? I wish. 11/11/11 won't come around again until November 11, 2111 so this announcement better be something big. Or else it will look like a Stonehenge in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Dragon Ball Z - Lord Slug: Movie 4 (Uncut, English Dubbed Version)

Not the best Dragon Ball Z movie and pretty short in running length compared to movies 2 and 3, but there are a few things I really like. The music on the Funimation dub comes to mind. The movie uses a rock soundtrack and these are the songs:

Finger Eleven - First Time
Dust for Life - Dragonfly
Dust for Life - Step Into the Light
American Pearl - Free Your Mind
Deftones - Elite
Boy Hits Car - I'm a Cloud
Finger Eleven - Drag You Down
Dust for Life - Seed
American Pearl - Automatic
Disturbed - Fear
Boy Hits Car - The Rebirth
Disturbed - Stupify
Breaking Point - Coming of Age

I think it works really well with the movie and it makes it seem a bit more than just an average Dragon Ball Z movie. Another thing I really like about the movie is the fact that the enemy is a Super Namekian and the roles Piccolo and Gohan play in the movie. But the way the villain meets his demise is the same exact way the villains meet their ends in the previous two movies and that is a bit of a bummer. It is actually pretty funny considering the Spirit Bomb only killed one villain in the entire series of Dragon Ball Z.

The primary villain comes to earth in search of the dragonballs to give him eternal life which is a typical theme. It's a theme repeated in the early episodes of Dragon Ball Z and that kind of makes the movie stick out even less. The villain, the evil Lord Slug, wishes to "terra-freeze" the planet by launching specialized pods into the sky that will release black clouds. The clouds would eventually cause the planet to freeze.

Goku doesn't want that to happen so it's up to him to stop him. From there the two characters fight and Goku does his thing.

This is the last movie where Goku doesn't transform into a Super Saiyan or at least "can't" transform into a Super Saiyan. Although there is some quasi-Super Saiyan transformation where Goku maintains his black hair.

Eh, I've seen better movies, but this one is okay. 


Sunday, October 30, 2011

Black Sabbath from Worst to First

Black Sabbath have had eighteen total studio albums, five live albums, countless compilations, half a dozen singers, and who the heck knows how many drummers and bassists. The only consistency the band had was Tony Iommi. Now I've always been a big Iommi fan and I always find something listenable on even the worst Sabbath records, but all Sabbath is not created equal at all. I've decided that I would take it upon myself to go through every single Sabbath studio album and do a worst to first list. Now this is only my opinion, but I think I'll hit most of the marks in the right spot. Or at least I hope I will. 

18. Forbidden (1995) - Generally regarded as the worst Sabbath album of the bunch, this is the last studio release under the Sabbath moniker and the one that put the kibosh on any hopes of anymore Sabbath without Ozzy. Now this isn't a horrible or disgusting release, but it's certainly jarring. The band, from what I understand, wanted to make a stripped-down album like the first Sabbath record and they didn't want to take too much time to do it. Obviously, the result was a bit of a misfire. This is a much different band than the original line-up and they just couldn't pull off the "going back to the roots" routine. The poor production just detracts even more from the end result. The few listenable (but not all that great) songs like I Won't Cry for You, ForbiddenKiss of Death, and the rather catchy Rusty Angels are balanced out by a bunch of questionable songs that just don't work. The most questionable song on here is called The Illusion of Power and it introduced the world to Rap Sabbath. Seriously, Ice-T rapped on the song. Now I don't hate rap just because it's rap, but Ice-T's rapping just has no purpose here. It's just novelty for the sake of novelty. Unless you are a seriously die-hard fan like me than say no to Rap Sabbath. 

The Illusion of Power (4:54)
Get A Grip (3:59)
Can't Get Close Enough (4:28)
Shaking Off The Chains (4:04)
I Won't Cry For You (4:48)
Guilty As Hell* (3:28)
Sick And Tired (3:31)
Rusty Angels (5:00)
Forbidden (3:47)
Kiss Of Death (6:09)
Loser Gets It All (2:55) - Japanese Bonus Track

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Tony Martin, Neil Murray, Cozy Powell, Geoff Nicholls
*This song actually has the "f" word in it. Rap Sabbath, right?

17. Technical Ecstasy (1976) - It was really a coin-toss between this one and Never Say Die. I don't hate this one, but it's very mediocre. Bill Ward sings on It's Alright and I do like the song, but I prefer Axl Rose's cover version on GN'R's Live Era album. And I've never said I liked Sabbath cover more than the original before. Now there aren't any songs on here that I really hate, but it's far from my first choice of Sabbath I'd want to listen to. The only really standout song on here is Dirty Women.

Back Street Kids (3:46)
You Won't Change Me (6:34)
It's Alright (3:58)
Gypsy (5:10)
All Moving Parts (Stand Still) 4:59
Rock 'N' Roll Doctor (3:25)
She's Gone (4:51)
Dirty Women (7:15)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, Gerald Woodruffe

NOTE: The cover of Technical Ecstasy is supposed to be two machines screwing on an escalator. 

16. Never Say Die (1978) - I really like the first four songs. The more I listen to this one the more I like it, but I shouldn't have to learn to like anything by the original Sabbath. Even with the few good songs on here I'll always feel that Never Say Die, Technical Ecstasy, and Forbidden could be deleted from the Sabbath canon and the Sabbath canon would be better for it.

Never Say Die (3:50)
Johnny Blade (6:28)
Junior's Eyes (6:42)
A Hard Road (6:04)
Shock Wave (5:15)
Air Dance (5:17)
Over To You (5:22)
Breakout (2:35)
Swinging the Chain (4:17)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, Don Airey, John Elstar

NOTE: The original cover put forth for Never Say Die would eventually become the cover of Rainbow's Difficult to Cure. Which is funny because both covers are equally terrible.

15. Seventh Star (1986) - It's really unfair to rank this one at all because it was not intended to be a Sabbath album and therefore doesn't sound like one. I think it's a bit of a gem and it should be re-released as an Iommi album so it won't have to constantly deal with the "it doesn't sound like Black Sabbath" problem. But because it remains under the Sabbath name than this is where I would have to rank it.

In for the Kill (3:40)
No Stranger to Love (4:28)
Turn to Stone (3:28)
Sphinx (The Guardian) (1:11)
Seventh Star (5:20)
Danger Zone (4:23)
Heart Like a Wheel (6:35)
Angry Heart (3:06)
In Memory ... (2:35)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Glenn Hughes, Dave Spitz, Eric Singer, Geoff Nicholls, Gordon Copley

14. Cross Purposes (1994) - This is the first one on this list that actually feels like a decent Sabbath album. It's not as good as the previous Tony Martin releases, but it's still pretty solid. A few stand-out cuts like Dying for Love, I Witness, and Virtual Death. The rest of the songs are okay, but they aren't anything special. A little sub-par for the Tony Martin era, but it's nothing too egregious. It's light-years better than Forbidden.

I Witness (4:56)
Cross of Thorns (4:31)
Psychophobia (3:10)
Virtual Death (5:45)
Immaculate Deception (4:12)
Dying for Love (5:49)
Back to Eden (3:53)
The Hand that Rocks the Cradle (4:26)
Cardinal Sin (4:17)
Evil Eye (5:57)
What's the Use? (3:03) - Japanese Bonus Track

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Tony Martin, Geezer Butler, Bobby Rondinelli, Geoff Nicholls

13. Tyr (1990) - Sabbath takes on themes of the Norse gods here for what is probably the most diverse Sabbath album in terms of subject matter. Strangely enough, it feels like a perfect fit for Sabbath. The only song that doesn't really fit the mood of the album is the ballad Feels Good to Me and it's just a bit too sappy for my taste. My favorite tracks are definitely The Law Maker and The Sabbath Stones.

Anno Mundi (the vision) (6:12)
The Law Maker (3:55)
Jerusalem (4:00)
The Sabbath Stones (6:47)
The Battle of Tyr (1:08)
Odin's Court (2:42)
Valhalla (4:43)
Feels Good to Me (5:44)
Heaven in Black (4:05)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Tony Martin, Neil Murray, Cozy Powell, Geoff Nicholls

12. The Eternal Idol (1987) - Tony Martin really doesn't get the credit he deserves in terms of being a singer. Martin stayed with Sabbath longer than Dio and yet he gets nowhere near the same amount of respect. Not that I have a problem with Dio or anything. I just think that Tony Martin doesn't deserve to be forgotten. So far I've ranked pretty much all of the Tony Martin stuff all in a row near the bottom of the pile and that wasn't intentional. It just happened that way and for good reason. No matter how much I want to take a release from the Tony Martin era and place it up in the top ten it just wouldn't fit. If anyone ever doubts that there was greatness in the Martin era than The Shining is the first song I'd recommend. 

The Shining (5:58)
Ancient Warrior (5:34)
Hard Life to Love (5:00)
Glory Ride (4:48)
Born to Lose (3:43)
Nightmare (5:17)
Scarlet Pimpernel (2:07)
Lost Forever (4:00)
Eternal Idol (6:35)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Tony Martin, Bob Daisley, Eric Singer, Geoff Nicholls, Dave Spitz, Bev Bevan

11. Headless Cross (1989) - Just a solid effort all around and a coin-flip better than The Eternal Idol. The title track is just one of those songs that should be much more well-known. It just feels Sabbathy albeit in a eighties kind of way.

The Gates of Hell (1:06)
Headless Cross (6:29)
Devil & Daughter (4:44)
When Death Calls (6:55)
Kill in the Spirit World (5:11)
Call of the Wild (5:18)
Black Moon (4:06)
Nightwing (6:35)
Cloak and Dagger (Picture disc bonus track) (4:37)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Tony Martin, Laurence Cottle, Cozy Powell, Geoff Nicholls

10. Dehumanizer (1992) - The follow-up to Tyr and the last Dio-fronted Sabbath album. The riffs are heavy and crunchy and Sabbath seems rejuvenated. Every song on here is great. I can't help but wonder what Sabbath would have been like if Dio had stayed because after this record he took the basic sound and used it on his solo albums Strange Highways and Angry Machines. It would have been great to hear more Sabbath offerings like this one from the nineties, but it wasn't meant to be. At least there's Heaven & Hell's The Devil You Know to help satisfy my curiosity. 

Computer God (6:10)
After All (The Dead) (5:37)
TV Crimes (3:58)
Letters From Earth (4:12)
Master of Insanity (5:54)
Time Machine (4:10)
Sins of the Father (4:43)
Too Late (6:54)
I (5:10)
Buried Alive (4:47)
Time Machine (Wayne's World Version) (4:18) - US/Japan version only 

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ronnie James Dio, Geezer Butler, Vinny Appice, Geoff Nicholls

9. Born Again (1983) - The only thing holding this back from being higher is the poor production. The songs are just so good and diabolic. It's the perfect Sabbath record... if you can overlook the production. Gillan was a great fit for Sabbath and it's a shame it didn't pan out.

Trashed (4:10)
Stonehenge (1:57)
Disturbing the Priest (5:48)
The Dark (0:31)
Zero the Hero (7:45)
Digital Bitch (3:35)
Born Again (6:30)
Hot Line (4:50)
Keep it Warm (5:34)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ian Gillan, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, Geoff Nicholls

8. Sabbath Bloody Sabbath (1973) - I must be crazy for putting this one so low, but I have my reasons. It's one of the classic "first five," but to my ears the only thing really great and classic about it is the title song. Pretty much all the other songs are really good, but greatness is what counts from hear on out.

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath (5:35)
A National Acrobat (6:20)
Fluff (4:10)
Sabbra Cadabra (5:55)
Killing Yourself to Live (5:35)
Who are You? (4:10)
Looking for Today (5:00)
Spiral Architect (4:40)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, Rick Wakeman

7. Sabotage (1975) - Another Sabbath album that is almost criminally underrated. This was the last listenable and good release from the original mark and their songwriting was at their peak. I feel this one is more consistent than Sabbath Bloody Sabbath and the songs are slightly better. There's no iconic title track, but with songs like Hole in the Sky and Symptom of the Universe there doesn't need to be one. And how can I forget Megalomania? That's one of my all-time favorite songs.

Hole in the Sky (4:00)
Don't Start (Too Late) (0:49)
Symptom of the Universe (6:28)
Megalomania (9:40)
The Thrill of it All (5:52)
Supertzar (3:42)
Am I Going Insane (Radio) (4:15)
The Writ (8:09)
Blow on a Jug (0:23)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, Gerald Woodruffe

6. Mob Rules (1981) - I really debated if I wanted to put this ahead of Sabbath Bloody Sabbath or Sabotage and I ultimately decided to do it. It's really like pulling teeth now to decide. I just feel that this one is ever so slightly better because it just rocks harder. There's nothing progressive about it. There're no trippy songs like Am I Going Insane or Who Are You? It just rocks hard.

Turn Up the Night (3:42)
Voodoo (4:32)
The Sign of the Southern Cross (7:46)
E5150 (2:54)
The Mob Rules (3:14)
Country Girl (4:02)
Slipping Away (3:45)
Falling off the Edge of the World (5:02)
Over & Over (5:28)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ronnie James Dio, Geezer Butler, Vinny Appice, Geoff Nicholls

5. Black Sabbath (1970) - I really don't need to say anything about this one. Four great songs and two great medleys.

Black Sabbath (6:16)
The Wizard (4:24)
Wasp / Behind the Wall of Sleep / Bassically / N.I.B. (9:44)
Wicked World (4:47)
A Bit of Finger / Sleeping Village / Warning (14:15)
Evil Woman (3:25)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward

4. Heaven and Hell (1980) - Again, this is like pulling teeth.

Neon Knights (3:49)
Children of the Sea (5:30)
Lady Evil (4:22)
Heaven & Hell (6:56)
Wishing Well (4:02)
Die Young (4:41)
Walk Away (4:21)
Lonely is the Word (5:49)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ronnie James Dio, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, Geoff Nicholls

3. Black Sabbath Vol. 4 (1972) - Don't need to say anything about this one either.

Wheels of Confusion/The Straightener (8:00) 
Tomorrow's Dream (3:08)
Changes (4:44)
FX (1:41)
Supernaut (4:43)
Snowblind (5:28)
Cornucopia (3:50)
Laguna Sunrise (2:50)
St. Vitus' Dance (2:29)
Under the Sun/Every Day Comes & Goes (5:52)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward

2. Master of Reality (1971) - Who'd've thought that a guy coughing would make such a cool intro?

Sweet Leaf (5:02)
After Forever (5:25)
Embryo (0:20)
Children of the Grave (5:23)
Orchid (1:30)
Lord of this World (5:24)
Solitude (5:02)
Into the Void (6:12)

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward

1. Paranoid (1970) - Surprise, surprise! Big shock to see this at number one, ain't it? I know Iron Man and Paranoid get overplayed so much that it's ridiculous, but no matter how many time I hear the songs I still enjoy them.

Luke's Wall/War Pigs (7:55) 
Paranoid (2:47)
Planet Caravan (4:24)
Iron Man (5:53)
Electric Funeral (4:47)
Hand of Doom (7:07)
Rat Salad (2:29)
Fairies Wear Boots/Jack the Stripper (6:13) 

Line-up: Tony Iommi, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward